How to make progress

Start. Do anything. Do something. Act.

If you can do one small thing today, you are one step closer to your goal.

Do you have a goal?

Perhaps today is the day you work out what your goal is. Because that is enough to take you one step ahead and how to make progress. (Well don’t just sit there. Get a piece of paper and do it now.)

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Pitch (im)perfect

What happens when you put yourself out there – and your ‘baby’ (non-fiction book idea, fiction manuscript, idea for a tv series or screenplay, whatever it is) – and not only does your pitch fail, but you get the distinct impression you should really crawl back in your hole and stay there? It happened to me this week – and, not surprisingly for a sensitive creative type (read neurotic!), it really knocked me around.

All the crappy things in your head come up – things about self-worth, past failures (somehow your successes diminish at a rapid rate) and whether you should give up now, because rejection really hurts (ouch!).

So, after a quiet meltdown, I realised some ‘deconstruction’ was needed! I’d written a blog recently: The Upside of Failure, so I decided to take my own advice. And I know my writerly readers out there will relate to this, because we have to risk exposure and rejection in order to reach for that elusive publication dream. Here’s the lessons I took out of my failure:

1. Hold things lightly. Don’t wrap up your entire self worth with the outcome. Because it may just be that you don’t appeal to that person’s area of interest or taste.
2. Take risks – but take the risks that involve reaching for your dream, not the risks that are about things you don’t care enough about, don’t really want to do, and aren’t worth wasting your precious energy on (like thinking you need to go for a particular job to be seen as successful, even if you know you’d absolutely hate it!)
3. Before you give up – work out whether you’re just going through a dip (so it’s worth sticking at it) or whether you’re actually on the wrong track and headed for a dead end (Seth Godin’s The Dip is a must read…)
4. Work on the things you can change, but hang onto the things that are essential to who you are (aka authentically you). Don’t change you to fit anyone’s mould or idea of success.
5. Take lessons from failures, then let them go (the failures, not the lessons)
6. Last but not least: stop doing what what you do (paint, write, create) just to get a result (like publication or money). Create from the heart. Do it because you love to do it and it’s vital to your wellbeing. Love the process, and you are already a success… the money and recognition will be a (nice) bonus.

And remember, some people are just plain rude. Their ignorance is a reflection on them, not you. If all else fails, crank up a Alanis Morrissette’s I see right through you and sing your heart out. You’re not the first one to feel these things, and you won’t be the last. It’s what you do with how you feel that matters.

So power up your dreams and go for it… I know I am.

Lou x

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positive body image | and other things… five for Friday

In the spirit of ‘being enough’, today’s FIVE FOR FRIDAY is about turning negatives into positives, and making life simpler and happier.

Number one – Weighing yourself with glasses on can be disturbing at first. You will weigh more than you thought you did. (Can you tell what I did this morning?) But fat can be good. Find the good, whether it’s larger mammaries or an increased supply of human body fat to sell on the black market, and work with it. Once you’ve worked out a positive in any situation, it’s easier to make an effective start on changing the negatives.

Number two – Christmas can suck. There, it’s been said. There’s so much pressure to buy, buy, buy. And do we really need any more ‘stuff’? This year I’m avoiding the ‘stuff-trap’. I’m spending time with my kids, making small Christmas packages of specially decorated biscuits for the people we really don’t need to buy any ‘stuff’. Yes, it’s an easy option with kids. But what about a disc with a photo slide show, or a video you can make for family? If they don’t like it, they can always use it as a drink coaster or a bookmark, which was probably the level of ‘stuff’ you’d have bought for them anyway.

Number three – still on Christmas. Avoid the big shops when you can. There’s nothing that makes me more miserable than fighting for a carpark in a large shopping centre. All bets are off during December in carparks. I hate it. So go to that smaller, daggier, shopping centre, that’s probably closer anyway. No they won’t have a huge range, a food hall, or that favourite chainstore cafe you like. But it’ll be less stress, probably support a number of struggling small businesses, and you won’t get into a punch-up in the carpark.

Number four – moving on from Christmas. Plan for next year now. Don’t leave that New Year’s resolution until the New Year. Start putting it in place now. What do you want to be doing next year? Work out a schedule, an action plan, perhaps even a budget and map it out. If you want to lose weight or get fit, join the gym today, don’t wait! If you’re ready to go on day one (or already going), this year’s resolution might just be the one you stick to.

And finally, number five – Put it all into perspective. There’s always someone worse off, always someone better off. Stay positive, as much as you can. Give yourself reminders when you’re giving in to being down, and create ways to avoid the black dog. If you’re still here, there’s still hope. Any library has a range of books with stories of desperation and hope – read one. Then get up and do something, even the smallest thing you can think of, to achieve the things you want from life.

Have a great day everybody!

S & L.

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forgiveness…

My mother is old enough to have stopped counting. About four decades ago. We were talking today about something she’s never forgiven herself for.

It happened in the last five years and it’s something most of our generation would celebrate… not flog themselves over. Not my mum.

When I said she should forgive herself, coz it’s dragging her (way, way) down, she looked at me as if I was mad. I am, but that’s not my point. To her, forgiving herself was beyond imagining.

I get the sneaking suspicion we are all a bit like that. We’ll forgive most people for most things, but we are so damn tough on ourselves.

So, I now know where I get it from, what’s your excuse 😉

The next time you start to beat yourself up, stop and think:

1. There’s not a single person on this planet who hasn’t made a mistake. I think even the Dalai Lama would agree with that. We are not perfect. We stuff up. We get it wrong.
2. You can’t change the past, but you can step in the future – and work on not making the same mistake again (although you’re bound to make different ones!)
3. If it involves someone you’ve hurt and they are suffering for it, acknowledge your mistake (without making disclaimers!) and ask for their forgiveness.
4. Don’t spill your guts to an unknowing person just to make yourself feel better – which will effectively pass the pain on to them!
5. Chances are, that thing you said or did is long forgotten. We tend to have a very powerful magnifying glass when it comes to ourselves…
6. Admit (to yourself) you did the wrong thing – and make peace with yourself.
7. And if you’re religious like my mum, make peace with your god
8. Then…Stop flogging yourself. Take a deep breath. Be kind to yourself.

I don’t think it will work for my mother. Old habits die hard. But it might work for you if you start now.

Coz, wow, by the time you get to be carrying around seven-or-more decades worth of making mistakes and not forgiving yourself, you’re going to need an emotional wheelchair to get around. 

So let’s all be more forgiving. Of each other – and ourselves.

Lou x

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what if? dealing with disappointment

...looking for luck

 

No matter how many disappointments I have in life, I’m still not that great at dealing with them. 

I go through my day afterwards, looking a bit vague as I have those ‘what if’ conversations in my head!

 

You know all about that head-chat, I’m sure! You go ’round and ’round, thinking about the things you could’ve done differently, the cool or smart things you could have said, the dumb things you actually did say…

Thank goodness for all those fabulous, uplifting quotes, truisms and other isms (optimism springs to mind). Most involve picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and moving on. Like these:

• When one door closes, another door opens – or a window. Usually high up and small, and you’ve got to scramble through. But it’s there.
• When opportunity knocks at the front door, don’t be out the back looking for four leaf clovers. Or sitting on bees. Which also like clover.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Except if you’re a stalker. Then you should stop.
• Failure is not in falling down, it’s in not getting up again. But if you’re 25 metres from the marathon’s finish line and you’ve collapsed with dehydration, don’t feel bad when they bring the stretcher. (PS. For me it would be 25 metres from the start line)
• If you’re going through hell, keep going. Also when walking on hot coals.
• Face the sun, so the shadows fall behind you. But don’t forget the sunscreen.
• Experience is the toughest teacher because she gives the test first, and then the lesson. Is it playtime yet?
• Only those who risk going too far can possibly know how far they can really go. This is really annoying when you miss the exit on the freeway and end up at Gympie.

I’ll leave you with these wise words from Yoda: “Do or do not there is no try.”

My case I rest.

🙂 Louise

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black dog, depression & chocolate

I’ve always worked under the assumption that chocolate made you feel good and helped avoid depression. But it turns out this might not be the case.

Apparently there are two types of chocolate eaters – cravers and emotional eaters. If you’re a craver, the news is good. You think of chocolate like a good glass of wine. If you’re an emotional eater, the news is not so good, and you could well be sending yourself into a worse depression after eating chocolate.

This ABC article, says that you’d need to eat a ‘whole truckload’ of chocolate to get the equivalent of one antidepressant tablet.

Well okay then, if that’s what it’s gonna take! (I’m obviously a craver, not an emotional eater I guess.)

Read the full article here.

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