…hounded by the black dog

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…hounded by the black dog [Photo: Ashleigh Ralph

There are times when you can take on the world. You’re bursting with energy and nothing seems too hard or too ambitious.

You know you can finish (or start) that best selling novel, climb Mount Kilimanjaro, pack up and move to France, finally shed those 5 kgs, or just get those pesky cupboards sorted…

Then there are those days when the black dog is sitting just watching you. Or the Planets are converging – on you, apparently.

You wonder how you’ll pay your mortgage this month or finally shed your credit card debt – or all those other bills that hang over your head like an axe. The work stuff you sailed through last week is an anchor pulling you down this week.

And you’re taking everything personally, because your sense of humour just evaporated. Cracking up laughing is out of the question when cracking a smile is impossible.

I used to believe those emotions were real, based on the stuff in my life that I couldn’t deal with (aka being a victim of my own life). But then I realised not much had changed since last week – or yesterday. What had changed was something in me.

Often it was associated with PMT (another black dog – this time, the Rottweiler with lipstick). Which  made me realise the thing that changes is the chemicals flowing through me – which dictate my highs and lows.

Chemicals help you go to sleep and wake up. They make you smile or cry about the same thing. They help you cope, or knock you flat. They keep your body functioning, actually.

My Buddhist friend tells me they see feelings as part of an impermanent or unstable inner landscape. I found this article on it today: The contemplation of feelings in Buddhism…

So these days when I feel the black dog breathing down my neck, I don’t immediately scour my life for all the reasons why I feel like crap. Instead, I take it as a sign… that I need to slow down and carve out a bit of me-time. Even when I’m too busy. Especially when I’m too busy.

I’m not talking about sitting on a cushion contemplating my breathing patterns, because I really suck at that (besides, it makes me hyperventilate and that’s probably counterproductive!). But I do soothing things, like making a nice brekky for myself, or a coffee, tea or vino (depending on the time, of course!). Or I just get outside.

It usually hits me in the morning, so sitting in the garden watching the day unfurl around me really works. I watch my curious cat chasing a bug I can’t even see. I hear the crows talking. I watch the bees sucking nectar from blossoms. I hear the tradesmen shouting at each other as they renovate the old Queenslander house next door. Okay, that’s not soothing.

Some days I’ll find something to read that makes me feel good – like an article on confidence or happiness, or a book I’ve been meaning to get to. Or I go all Zen and start thinking about all the stuff I’m grateful for. Often, I’ll do a ‘brain dump’ in my journal, and sometimes I even write blogs…

For the day to day highs and lows, it really works. Because I know this will pass. And soon I’ll be ready to take on the world again!

And let’s face it, if you haven’t got time to fall apart, then you can’t afford not to take the time to look after yourself.

cheers, Lou

If you liked this, read Bistaari Bistaari, Slowly Slowly…

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