positive body image | and other things… five for Friday

In the spirit of ‘being enough’, today’s FIVE FOR FRIDAY is about turning negatives into positives, and making life simpler and happier.

Number one – Weighing yourself with glasses on can be disturbing at first. You will weigh more than you thought you did. (Can you tell what I did this morning?) But fat can be good. Find the good, whether it’s larger mammaries or an increased supply of human body fat to sell on the black market, and work with it. Once you’ve worked out a positive in any situation, it’s easier to make an effective start on changing the negatives.

Number two – Christmas can suck. There, it’s been said. There’s so much pressure to buy, buy, buy. And do we really need any more ’stuff’? This year I’m avoiding the ’stuff-trap’. I’m spending time with my kids, making small Christmas packages of specially decorated biscuits for the people we really don’t need to buy any ’stuff’. Yes, it’s an easy option with kids. But what about a disc with a photo slide show, or a video you can make for family? If they don’t like it, they can always use it as a drink coaster or a bookmark, which was probably the level of ’stuff’ you’d have bought for them anyway.

Number three – still on Christmas. Avoid the big shops when you can. There’s nothing that makes me more miserable than fighting for a carpark in a large shopping centre. All bets are off during December in carparks. I hate it. So go to that smaller, daggier, shopping centre, that’s probably closer anyway. No they won’t have a huge range, a food hall, or that favourite chainstore cafe you like. But it’ll be less stress, probably support a number of struggling small businesses, and you won’t get into a punch-up in the carpark.

Number four – moving on from Christmas. Plan for next year now. Don’t leave that New Year’s resolution until the New Year. Start putting it in place now. What do you want to be doing next year? Work out a schedule, an action plan, perhaps even a budget and map it out. If you want to lose weight or get fit, join the gym today, don’t wait! If you’re ready to go on day one (or already going), this year’s resolution might just be the one you stick to.

And finally, number five – Put it all into perspective. There’s always someone worse off, always someone better off. Stay positive, as much as you can. Give yourself reminders when you’re giving in to being down, and create ways to avoid the black dog. If you’re still here, there’s still hope. Any library has a range of books with stories of desperation and hope – read one. Then get up and do something, even the smallest thing you can think of, to achieve the things you want from life.

Have a great day everybody!

S & L.

2010 challenge – being ‘enough’

We’ve got a challenge for you for 2010. But don’t feel like you’re alone in this… we’ll be doing it too!

The challenge seems quite simple. All you have to do is keep saying “I am enough” – but we know you’re going to find that hard to say, let alone believe.

And what’s the point? It’s about changing the way we think about ourselves and to shut down those annoying voices in our head. And that means we’ll be able to relax about ourselves and get on with living – instead of trying to fix stuff about ourselves all the time.

We’re sick of thinking about all the ways we’re not quite good enough – and we reckon you are too. You know what we’re talking about… ”I’m not funny enough, smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough, slim enough, young enough, fit enough, assertive enough” and the list goes on.

So what’s the real word for this ’not good enough’ feeling? Fear. We are afraid of not being pretty, slim, or young enough because that might mean we’re invisible or unloveable. We’re afraid of not being assertive enough because people will walk all over us – and that hurts. We’re afraid of not being smart enough because people won’t respect us, admire us, listen to us, promote us.

We’re afraid of not being fit enough because we might not be able to keep up with our friends and our kids, or be able to play the sport we love, or we’ll look floppy and uncoordinated, or…

We’re afraid of not being good enough (writers) because we won’t have our manuscript published, or when we do it’ll fall into oblivion or get torn to shreds by the critics. Most of all, we’re afraid that we won’t cope with stuff because we’re not enough.

Whatever our fears are, they’re often masquerading as ‘not being enough’. And the only thing fear does is stop you living. And trying. And breathing, mostly.

So in 2010, we’re going to be practicing ‘being enough’. We hope you’ll take up the challenge too.

cheers reindeers

Lou and Sandra

Wednesdayitis rant – about shopping

Blokes love to bag us women because, apparently, we love to shop. I don’t mind shopping, but I don’t do it very often – and I’m not particularly good at it. That’s because:

• I can never find what I’m looking for (except when I’m NOT looking for it)
• I’m always between sizes – and I always have been, even when I was 50kg (yes, yes, back in the day…)
• The fashion at the moment is frump-city. I mean, my Great-aunt Dot could shop quite happily in even the hippest shops these days. I put this stuff on and I cringe. I do not aspire to look like Great-aunt Dot, and while I might wish to be as tall and thin as a runway supermodel (who looks vaguely sexy in this stuff), that ain’t going to happen in this lifetime!
• I can’t work out what my style is anymore. Possibly because it’s sweltering out there and I’m a jeans, boots and jackets kinda girl. I’m also getting to that age where crossing the line to mutton-dressed-as-lamb is a distinct possibility…
• I could opt for those arty designer styles, but I’m afraid I hyperventilate at the pricetags. And there’s something about crushed linen that makes me feel so… crushed.

There are some things I hate about shopping. I raced out today to look for some shorts and – surprise surprise – I found the perfect pair. I drive home feeling very proud of myself, take them out of the bag, and discover the big plastic, ink-filled security tag is still on them. Now I have to go back to the shop (almost an hour round trip) to get the girl to take it off – after ringing the shop to say I’m coming in and no, I didn’t steal the shorts!

And then there are those sales people who forget that being at the front counter might actually involve serving people – and that some level of customer service is part of the deal (and what they get paid for).

Unlike the Gen Y shop assistant in the cupcake shop at [beep]. Recently, I went in there with a friend to choose four cupcakes. But can Ms Gen Y smile? Or speak? No. She stands there, eyes rolled to the ceiling, while I take all of 30 seconds to make my choices. She dumps the box on the glass counter, takes my money, and gives me my change – all as though I am wasting her valuable time.

My friend and I are literally standing there like stunned mullets. Is this girl for real? I wonder what the shop owner would feel about this person, ‘the face’ of the business, acting like this? It was the first time I’d been in the shop – and it was also the last. And I now understand why there’s never anyone much in there. You can’t blame the cupcakes.

But maybe that’s a good thing. Otherwise I wouldn’t be between sizes for long.

Oh, and for the record, I don’t have a Great-aunt Dot.

cheers

Lou

#genefail – or, why I can’t cook

It’s Wednesday and you know the deal with Wednesday. It’s where we get to let off steam, and… okay, we’re just complaining.

So, I just made lunch and came to the startling realization that I can’t cook without a recipe and it’s all my parents’ fault. (Hence #genefail – now that we  like to twitter. Twitter does not require good genes.) And I don’t blame my parents in any sort of airy-fairy way. It’s a fact. My mother cannot cook. My father is Hungarian, and has decided everything he cooks should contain either lard or paprika, usually both. What hope did I have?

Anyway, I was thinking about a dish I’d eaten somewhere that had veges in some kind of sauce and was yum (the mental picture was far more detailed, but no more helpful). Do you think I could get anywhere near replicating that dish? No. #genefail. It started out okay – I cut the veges, even tossed them about a bit. But that’s about where the wheels fell off. In the process of tossing I managed to knock the top off the gas cooker and flick a large chunk of zuchini into my water at the same time. Then, when I got all that under control, I added my Asian sauces. Still edible if nothing else, but I decided to throw in some feta cheese. I like feta cheese. The Asian vege dish did not. Things got really weird, and I discovered that Asian and Greek really do not mix.

As I was spooning the gooey mix of melting feta and hoisin sauce onto a plate, I was thrown back to childhood and the memories of one too many similar dishes.

Now I don’t mind that I got the ‘you can’t dance’ gene. Or that I missed out on the ‘blue eyes’, ‘maths genius’, or ‘long eyelashes’ genes that were on offer. But seriously, food might be my only joy someday. How could you take this away from me?

Do you have a #genefail? Please – share – lighten my day.

S.

 

Accepting compliments

One of my friends recently gave me a nudge. She said I didn’t take compliments well at all. She’s right…

“That’s a great dress. The colour really suits you.”

The reply? “Yes, it hides my flabby belly” or “Thanks, but I just got it on sale”.

“You look so fit and strong.”

“Looks are deceiving. I blow like an old horse when I run.”

“You look radiant.”

“…it’s the makeup. I had to trowel it on to hide the bags.”

“Thanks, but…”  Why the disclaimers? It’s almost like I’m channelling my inner-critic – the narky little voice in my head that tells me I’m not really good enough. I’m a fake and someone will find out sooner or later – so I may as well admit it all upfront.

I’m not alone. Accepting compliments is difficult for many of us (especially women!), and it’s an art we need to practice. It’s very simple to do. All we need to do is smile and say ‘thank you’ and leave it at that.

I’ve been very conscious of it lately and it really does make you feel better. I admit, I have bite marks on my tongue, but it seems to be working! The funny thing is that I’m noticing how many women just can’t take a compliment without adding a disclaimer.

But a compliment is a gift we can accept graciously. It will lift you up, if you let it. Just think about those days when someone says, “you look tired today”. How do you feel? Suddenly tired (or more tired). A compliment has the opposite effect .

Thank you. Smile. Thank you. Smile. If it takes 14 days to form a habit, I reckon I’m almost there…

So instead of admitting you got your fabulous dress in a closing down sale, or pointing out one of your flaws to counteract that great attribute someone just pointed out…smile and say thank you. It could just make your day…

cheers

Lou

You are a project

I can’t remember a time when I felt I was okay just as I am. I’m guessing I’m not alone in thinking like that. We are who we are, but most of us aren’t particularly satisfied with that – and we let it hold us back.

We think we’ll be okay once we lose weight, or get a better job, find a partner, have a baby, get published, get famous, win lotto… The problem is, like getting cosmetic surgery, we’ll still wake up and be looking at the world through the same eyes. And we’ll be looking for our next feel-good fix.

But what if we took a different approach? What if we said – hey, this is what I am. Now how can I work with that? And I’m talking about working with our flaws, instead of against them.

Because if all we focus on is the bad stuff – the things we’re not – the less we’re going to get out and give things a go. The less we’re going to put ourselves out there… until we’re all fixed and perfect.

Think about a civil engineering team who have the task of building a road from A to B. Except between those two points are a mountain, a river and a floodplain… and lots of other hard stuff to contend with.

What do they do? Do they say… oh, there’s a mountain there, and that floodplain isn’t great. Let’s not bother. No, they sit down and identify all the issues – the realities. Then they find a way to work within those parameters, and figure out what they can do differently or better so they get that road built.

And when it comes to who we are, I reckon we have to do the same thing. Work in our strengths. Work on our weaknesses. Not throw up our hands and say I’m just not good enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough, or fit / wealthy / intelligent / creative / tall / young enough…

So face your life like you’d face a project. Work out exactly what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then ask: how can I work with what I am to get where I want to go? And when you’re on the way, and your confidence is building, start working on your weaknesses.

Because if you wait until you’re ‘just right’, life will have whooshed past you – faster than you’ve ever imagined.

Okay, I’d love to hang around chatting all day. But I’ve got project work to do!

lou

P.S. Take a look at incredible paralympians like Chinese amputee He Junquan , cyclist Barbara Buchan, and so many others. And when you think you can’t do something, think about a man with no arms who became an elite swimmer… now that’s inspiring.

brain fog and lost symbols

Today, everything feels foggy. I blame avid reading! You know when you get totally absorbed in a book, and the world seems to hold its breath with you, and reality just fades away… so that even when you stop reading, you’re not really here?

Well, I’m not really here.

Beep.

Just kidding. What I’d love to be able to do as a writer is to transport my reader into another world – another dimension almost. Where washing and cleaning and working and even talking to anyone (until you can bear to part with the book) are all put on hold.

The thing we writers sometimes forget is that it doesn’t have to be perfectly written. It doesn’t have to be a lyrical, literary artwork. It can just be a great story…

I’m a sucker for a good action mystery with a religious twist. Okay, back to Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol.

Lou

I love mac freedom

I know Wednesday is traditionally our day for letting off steam, but I’m afraid I just can’t do that. You see I have discovered mac freedom and I’m a new woman. I’m getting through my to do list. Sorting stuff out. Cleaning off the desk and making things happen. I also have to admit that, yes, my ability to spend hours each day reading emails, blogs and all the associated linked information has turned into a bit of an addiction. But mac freedom has helped me with all that (yes, there is a hint of slightly crazed voice there!).

Anyway, mac freedom is a lovely little app that allows me to type in a time limit and then it won’t let me access the internet  until that time’s up. (And yes, I realize how pathetic it is that I can’t do that on my own. But at least I’m big enough to admit it.) So if, like me, you have a little, er, problem with discipline (and a mac) – go get it! Do not hesitate a moment longer.

And if anyone knows of a similar application for windows, please share.

 

Wednesday-itis…wish list

You know all those trivial things that drive you nuts? Well, this Wednesday rant, Louise and Sandra want someone to:

• pick up the dog pooh in the garden (the dog eating its own pooh does not count – it’s just a whole different world of problems)
• clean the fridge, which is starting to look like ferals-ville (oh, and fill it up with lots of healthy food and bevs – and some not so healthy ones!)
• clean the toilets every day – in fact, clean the whole friggin’ house
• stop asking us where stuff is that I’ve never used (even though I always know the answers)
• do the washing, hang it out, fold it, put it away… yadda yadda yadda
• and do anything else that will make us STOP being distracted from the things we really want to do. Like write. Or exercise. Or drink coffee… and stuff.

So there.

L & S

the right fit

You know, there’s so much information out there on how to be a writer. Much of it focusses on how to be more productive, or tells us we must write every day.

But, what if that’s not the right fit for your life?

If you’re like us, you’ve got a lot of other things to fit into life and sometimes that’s just not going to work. Things come up. Other people’s needs take priority over yours. Sometimes you’re just too damn tired.

So why not stop fighting it?

We’re taking a new approach to scheduling. Scheduling in days where housework gets to take priority. You can add in bill paying, shopping, whatever else you like to the day – but know that writing will not be the priority that day. If you get some in (like I am now) that’s a bonus. Schedule a few days when writing will be the priority. For me that’s going to be mid-week this week. And schedule a day when you can do coffee, or anything else social you get invited to to. If you know in advance that the day for socialising is Friday, you can straight away give a yes or no to invitations or reschedule to that day, because in your mind you’ve already set aside that time. Without consciously scheduling a day for socialising we all tend to just go with the flow and agree to coffee and the like when it suits everyone else. Our priorities, and our time, dwindle away.

So it’s not really about focus or productivity, it’s about avoiding ‘going with the flow’, and taking charge instead. And the only way to do that is to make a schedule that’s the right fit for you, and your life. Just because our children, friends, family, whatever, are important parts of our life, doesn’t mean we’re not committed to writing. It’s just that the usual rules of writing, are not right for us.

S & L