#genefail – or, why I can’t cook

It’s Wednesday and you know the deal with Wednesday. It’s where we get to let off steam, and… okay, we’re just complaining.

So, I just made lunch and came to the startling realization that I can’t cook without a recipe and it’s all my parents’ fault. (Hence #genefail – now that we  like to twitter. Twitter does not require good genes.) And I don’t blame my parents in any sort of airy-fairy way. It’s a fact. My mother cannot cook. My father is Hungarian, and has decided everything he cooks should contain either lard or paprika, usually both. What hope did I have?

Anyway, I was thinking about a dish I’d eaten somewhere that had veges in some kind of sauce and was yum (the mental picture was far more detailed, but no more helpful). Do you think I could get anywhere near replicating that dish? No. #genefail. It started out okay – I cut the veges, even tossed them about a bit. But that’s about where the wheels fell off. In the process of tossing I managed to knock the top off the gas cooker and flick a large chunk of zuchini into my water at the same time. Then, when I got all that under control, I added my Asian sauces. Still edible if nothing else, but I decided to throw in some feta cheese. I like feta cheese. The Asian vege dish did not. Things got really weird, and I discovered that Asian and Greek really do not mix.

As I was spooning the gooey mix of melting feta and hoisin sauce onto a plate, I was thrown back to childhood and the memories of one too many similar dishes.

Now I don’t mind that I got the ‘you can’t dance’ gene. Or that I missed out on the ‘blue eyes’, ‘maths genius’, or ‘long eyelashes’ genes that were on offer. But seriously, food might be my only joy someday. How could you take this away from me?

Do you have a #genefail? Please – share – lighten my day.

S.

 

Accepting compliments

One of my friends recently gave me a nudge. She said I didn’t take compliments well at all. She’s right…

“That’s a great dress. The colour really suits you.”

The reply? “Yes, it hides my flabby belly” or “Thanks, but I just got it on sale”.

“You look so fit and strong.”

“Looks are deceiving. I blow like an old horse when I run.”

“You look radiant.”

“…it’s the makeup. I had to trowel it on to hide the bags.”

“Thanks, but…”  Why the disclaimers? It’s almost like I’m channelling my inner-critic – the narky little voice in my head that tells me I’m not really good enough. I’m a fake and someone will find out sooner or later – so I may as well admit it all upfront.

I’m not alone. Accepting compliments is difficult for many of us (especially women!), and it’s an art we need to practice. It’s very simple to do. All we need to do is smile and say ‘thank you’ and leave it at that.

I’ve been very conscious of it lately and it really does make you feel better. I admit, I have bite marks on my tongue, but it seems to be working! The funny thing is that I’m noticing how many women just can’t take a compliment without adding a disclaimer.

But a compliment is a gift we can accept graciously. It will lift you up, if you let it. Just think about those days when someone says, “you look tired today”. How do you feel? Suddenly tired (or more tired). A compliment has the opposite effect .

Thank you. Smile. Thank you. Smile. If it takes 14 days to form a habit, I reckon I’m almost there…

So instead of admitting you got your fabulous dress in a closing down sale, or pointing out one of your flaws to counteract that great attribute someone just pointed out…smile and say thank you. It could just make your day…

cheers

Lou

You are a project

I can’t remember a time when I felt I was okay just as I am. I’m guessing I’m not alone in thinking like that. We are who we are, but most of us aren’t particularly satisfied with that – and we let it hold us back.

We think we’ll be okay once we lose weight, or get a better job, find a partner, have a baby, get published, get famous, win lotto… The problem is, like getting cosmetic surgery, we’ll still wake up and be looking at the world through the same eyes. And we’ll be looking for our next feel-good fix.

But what if we took a different approach? What if we said – hey, this is what I am. Now how can I work with that? And I’m talking about working with our flaws, instead of against them.

Because if all we focus on is the bad stuff – the things we’re not – the less we’re going to get out and give things a go. The less we’re going to put ourselves out there… until we’re all fixed and perfect.

Think about a civil engineering team who have the task of building a road from A to B. Except between those two points are a mountain, a river and a floodplain… and lots of other hard stuff to contend with.

What do they do? Do they say… oh, there’s a mountain there, and that floodplain isn’t great. Let’s not bother. No, they sit down and identify all the issues – the realities. Then they find a way to work within those parameters, and figure out what they can do differently or better so they get that road built.

And when it comes to who we are, I reckon we have to do the same thing. Work in our strengths. Work on our weaknesses. Not throw up our hands and say I’m just not good enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough, or fit / wealthy / intelligent / creative / tall / young enough…

So face your life like you’d face a project. Work out exactly what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then ask: how can I work with what I am to get where I want to go? And when you’re on the way, and your confidence is building, start working on your weaknesses.

Because if you wait until you’re ‘just right’, life will have whooshed past you – faster than you’ve ever imagined.

Okay, I’d love to hang around chatting all day. But I’ve got project work to do!

lou

P.S. Take a look at incredible paralympians like Chinese amputee He Junquan , cyclist Barbara Buchan, and so many others. And when you think you can’t do something, think about a man with no arms who became an elite swimmer… now that’s inspiring.

brain fog and lost symbols

Today, everything feels foggy. I blame avid reading! You know when you get totally absorbed in a book, and the world seems to hold its breath with you, and reality just fades away… so that even when you stop reading, you’re not really here?

Well, I’m not really here.

Beep.

Just kidding. What I’d love to be able to do as a writer is to transport my reader into another world – another dimension almost. Where washing and cleaning and working and even talking to anyone (until you can bear to part with the book) are all put on hold.

The thing we writers sometimes forget is that it doesn’t have to be perfectly written. It doesn’t have to be a lyrical, literary artwork. It can just be a great story…

I’m a sucker for a good action mystery with a religious twist. Okay, back to Dan Brown’s The Lost Symbol.

Lou

I love mac freedom

I know Wednesday is traditionally our day for letting off steam, but I’m afraid I just can’t do that. You see I have discovered mac freedom and I’m a new woman. I’m getting through my to do list. Sorting stuff out. Cleaning off the desk and making things happen. I also have to admit that, yes, my ability to spend hours each day reading emails, blogs and all the associated linked information has turned into a bit of an addiction. But mac freedom has helped me with all that (yes, there is a hint of slightly crazed voice there!).

Anyway, mac freedom is a lovely little app that allows me to type in a time limit and then it won’t let me access the internet  until that time’s up. (And yes, I realize how pathetic it is that I can’t do that on my own. But at least I’m big enough to admit it.) So if, like me, you have a little, er, problem with discipline (and a mac) – go get it! Do not hesitate a moment longer.

And if anyone knows of a similar application for windows, please share.

 

Wednesday-itis…wish list

You know all those trivial things that drive you nuts? Well, this Wednesday rant, Louise and Sandra want someone to:

• pick up the dog pooh in the garden (the dog eating its own pooh does not count – it’s just a whole different world of problems)
• clean the fridge, which is starting to look like ferals-ville (oh, and fill it up with lots of healthy food and bevs – and some not so healthy ones!)
• clean the toilets every day – in fact, clean the whole friggin’ house
• stop asking us where stuff is that I’ve never used (even though I always know the answers)
• do the washing, hang it out, fold it, put it away… yadda yadda yadda
• and do anything else that will make us STOP being distracted from the things we really want to do. Like write. Or exercise. Or drink coffee… and stuff.

So there.

L & S

the right fit

You know, there’s so much information out there on how to be a writer. Much of it focusses on how to be more productive, or tells us we must write every day.

But, what if that’s not the right fit for your life?

If you’re like us, you’ve got a lot of other things to fit into life and sometimes that’s just not going to work. Things come up. Other people’s needs take priority over yours. Sometimes you’re just too damn tired.

So why not stop fighting it?

We’re taking a new approach to scheduling. Scheduling in days where housework gets to take priority. You can add in bill paying, shopping, whatever else you like to the day – but know that writing will not be the priority that day. If you get some in (like I am now) that’s a bonus. Schedule a few days when writing will be the priority. For me that’s going to be mid-week this week. And schedule a day when you can do coffee, or anything else social you get invited to to. If you know in advance that the day for socialising is Friday, you can straight away give a yes or no to invitations or reschedule to that day, because in your mind you’ve already set aside that time. Without consciously scheduling a day for socialising we all tend to just go with the flow and agree to coffee and the like when it suits everyone else. Our priorities, and our time, dwindle away.

So it’s not really about focus or productivity, it’s about avoiding ‘going with the flow’, and taking charge instead. And the only way to do that is to make a schedule that’s the right fit for you, and your life. Just because our children, friends, family, whatever, are important parts of our life, doesn’t mean we’re not committed to writing. It’s just that the usual rules of writing, are not right for us.

S & L

Wednesday-itis…Clonesville hell

You know what we hate? Clonesville. Everything the same, thanks to the corporate copycat syndrome.

We’re a franchised culture where you can walk into a shopping centre here, on the other side of the city, or in another state, and the same shops are there. Aren’t we getting just a little bit too comfortable with the familiar?

Then there are those Fast Food outlets that are same same the world over. That’s comforting to some people, but it’s soooo Bland.

Then there’s those formulaic TV shows and movies - different actors, same plotlines, same one-liners. Why? Because the networks go with what works. Or worked. They want their money safe, so we get served up the reheated leftovers. Oh god!

Or those ‘beige-ist’ housing estates crammed with million-dollar, architect designed residences. Every house may be fabulous in its own right, but chuck ‘em together in those tone on tone, elitist estates and they blend into a bland mass where all signs of human existence have been erased. Blah.

Even our language is, like, blaaaaand. And don’t get us started on corporate-speak. How many customer-focused, performance-driven teams delivering cutting-edge solutions can there be out there? Or open dialogue, synergy, relationships being leveraged, win-win, and anything ‘going forward’ (the latest meaningless buzz word…because, thank god, you’re not going backward).

We even heard a relationship expert the other day saying it was ‘important to maintain open dialogue, so you get the results you want going forward’. Oh please! Imagine being a fly on the wall in their bedroom…zzzzzzzzzzz

When are we going to welcome in a new age – and we don’t mean lighting candles and taking up the downward dog position. We’re talking about the Age of the Individual. Shedding the clone mentality. Having the guts to be different. Being real.

And talking in a language that doesn’t put people’s brains into neutral.

End of rant. Happy Wednesday.

Five for Friday…boost your confidence

There are a lot of ways you can sabotage your confidence – like making unrealistic goals and thinking you’re a loser when you fail, or comparing yourself to other people all the time (especially airbrushed celebs or people who’ve made it – they have bad days too), or focusing on the things you’re not (instead of the great things you are).

We all have confidence dips occasionally – or sometimes a lot. So here a five ways to boost your confidence…just in time for the weekend.

1. Start sweating! Exercise gets those feel-good chemicals flooding through you, so get out and get active. Do a gym class, go for a walk, play tennis, go for a swim! Find some kind of exercise you really love, so you’ll want to keep doing it. For example, if you hate hate hate running there’s no point in making that your focus. Finding an activity you love, even gardening, means you’ll be exercising without even knowing it. What can be better than that?
2. Hang out with ‘up’ people. Some people just drag you down, drawing out every ounce of your good energy then bouncing or sloping off leaving you flat. Eliminate the toxic friends, minimise contact with downbeat family, and find the people who make you see possibilities, think more, laugh more, get into life more.
3. (a) What’s great about you? You probably don’t really think about that, because all you can see are the crappy bits. Think about all the things you’ve achieved in your life – even the small things, even the things no-one else notices or values. You might surprise yourself. And (b) love who you are, instead of thinking you’d be okay if you could just lose weight, get botoxed, fix yourself up somehow! Take a look at Lizzie Miller in September Glamour mag. Be comfortable with who you are. That’s confidence.
4. Treat yourself well… which is what the Art of Moi is all about! Value yourself enough to say ‘no’ when you’re being taken advantage of, and ‘yes’ to life. Do something nice for yourself every day – even if it’s just taking ten minutes for yourself. When you look after you, you have more to give others…
5. Dare to fail! It’s too easy to stay in your comfort zone, and not try anything new. It’s time to shed the fear – even if you have to take baby steps – and try those things you’ve always wanted to. And re-define your idea of success. You don’t have to be rich, famous, a superstar. You don’t even have to be particularly good at what you want to try. Remember that great saying: ‘Imagine what you would do if you knew you couldn’t fail’. Imagine…

Confident people aren’t all born that way. They’ve had to work on it, just like a body builder works on those pecs. You don’t get results from doing it once or twice. Make a commitment to yourself: Every day, you’re going to build those confidence muscles.

Go on. You know you can.

L & S

What do I really want?

Have you ever asked yourself  ‘What do I really want?’ and come up blank – because it’s been way too long since you had time to think about it. I have.

But yesterday I discovered that finding out what I don’t want can be quite illuminating.

Recently an opportunity presented itself – one I’d tell anybody else to jump at – but (after much soul searching) I didn’t grab it with both hands.

Yesterday, I said ‘no’ to it. And it wasn’t out of fear. I actually felt it would take my life in a direction I didn’t really want to go in right now.

When I thought I should go all Nike inspired and just do it, I felt a huge sense of loss – especially of the freedom I feel I’m getting now, to create the life I’ve imagined. Yes, the opportunity was indeed fabulous – but it just didn’t feel right for me.

What do I really want? Finding out what I don’t want just brought me a lot closer to knowing…

I’m talking in riddles, because it doesn’t really matter what the opportunity was. For me this time, it was a brilliant job in another state/city – but what mattered to me was that I no longer feel I have to jump at every opportunity, even if that’s what I’ve always done.

I’m beginning to understand what I value and I feel like I’m getting closer to my true self. And I know that, because when I said ‘no’ I suddenly felt free again. Free to reinvent myself in whatever way I choose to. I followed my heart - not my ego or the fear of missing out or the $$ signs.

And, I’ll admit it, the $$ signs were starting to dictate my life, thanks to the GFC. No wonder I was feeling off centre.

I’m usually an advocate for the ‘leap and the net will appear’ theory. But that’s about following your heart, your instincts. And it means you’re pretty convinced that leaping (into whatever it is) feels right for you.

I’ll never know for sure if I made the right choice, but I believe I did and that’s enough. So maybe, for me, it’s about passing up a great opportunity to make way for a better one that’s hot on its heels! (Bring it on!)

What do you really want? Find out what you don’t want, and what you do want will become clearer.

Lou

If you liked this, you might like these Art of Moi posts:

• What if? Dealing with disappointment
• Note to self: Value you 
• Five for Friday: Overcoming obstacles
• Put yourself (back) in the picture